I received a call from the court for a young girl ready to leave the hospital. Although I had difficulty understanding Spanish over the phone, I did pick up the idea that this girl had kidney problems. Without thinking about what I said, the word “yes” jumped out of my mouth. We would take her into the Home. Then I stood on the outside steps, after the conversation, in shock of what I had just committed to. Lord, this physical problem will require more than what we are able to do. Why did I say yes? For whatever reason, I felt that Sara* needed to live with us. Father, I will be obedient to this, but You will need to work out all of the details.

She stood before me with short black hair, dark eyes that lacked luster, chubby cheeks, and a distended abdomen. I ached to hug her and ease some of the pain I saw in her eyes, but when I tried, she pulled back. Lord, this one has been deeply hurt and needs to feel Your love and touch. “Sara, I am Mama Carroll, and this is your new home. There are several girls living here, and we are all part of a family. You are now part of that family too.” She responded with a slight smile. This one had walls around her heart.

Sara’s doctor sent some medication, bags of dialysis liquid, and instructions for doing the dialysis. Totally new to me, I ventured into a medical realm that I never wanted to be a part of. I would learn what I needed to help this ten-year-old girl. I could only imagine the suffering she had endured when her mother abandoned her in a hospital with the diagnosis of kidney failure. From there, Sara went to an orphanage that neglected her physical needs, and the consequences put her back into the hospital. Sara’s doctor wanted to adopt her as her own, but circumstances prevented that from happening. Rejection after rejection permeated the life of this little one, to the point that she didn’t even want to live. Could we break through those walls? Would we be able to provide the necessary medical care, which included dialysis four times a day? We don’t have any medical training to deal with peritoneal dialysis. I didn’t regret my decision to bring her into the Home, but I did know we could be facing dire circumstances if we couldn’t keep up with her medical needs. Driven to my knees, I pleaded with the Lord to make a way for Sara to live with us in health and in love.

Joanne met with Sara’s doctor, and the information she gave indicated that Sara could die at any time, and we needed to be prepared for it. Three of Sara’s friends from the hospital, who were on dialysis for one and a half years, had passed away. That would put Sara next. I wanted to shout out in protest, but instead I listened to the need for a plan if this were to happen. How would we deal with the other children? Dying wasn’t in my thoughts when I agreed to her coming to Shadow.

Legally, we would be responsible for any funeral and burial arrangements. We knew nothing about the Guatemalan regulations other than it all had to take place within seventy-two hours of her death. Joanne proceeded to get all of the information and planned to see about purchasing a cemetery plot. Meanwhile, I second-guessed my decision for her to live with us.

The children in the orphanage were familiar with death, because in this country, it is all around them. But we needed to protect them. I put us into this responsibility because of the decision I made about Sara. Lord, more than ever I need Your help with wisdom and the ability to take care of Sara. Please guide us in a plan for when Sara passes into eternity. if it happens, we need help so the children can adjust to such a painful event.