Tag Archives: God’s calling

Questioning God’s Calling

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The administrative requirements of Shadow of His Wings Orphanage multiplied, along with the requirements of being the mother of this growing family. Legally, each girl was required to attend three audiences at the children’s court, which fell on my plate. There were doctor appointments, visits to the psychologist, the purchase of clothes and shoes, the preparation of menus and the weekly shopping at the Guatemalan market and supermarket, banking requirements, the purchase of school supplies, and the list went on. I lived with these kids on duty 24-7, with little time away for rest. Each day seemed to go by filled with the same pressures. I began questioning my calling.

The problems grew with the size of the family. “Mama Carroll, Josselin* wore my shoes when I told her three times that she could not use them,” whined Maritza*.

“Maria* is in the bedroom crying because Ester* hit her again.”

Lorena* decided she wanted to wear a short revealing t-shirt. She refused to take it off, and it ended up being a battle to break through her stubbornness.

Two girls were caught in bed with each other in inappropriate actions. This is a common occurrence in orphanages, and we added bed-checks to our list of night-time duties.

One girl took another girl’s underwear off the clothesline and threw them over the wall. Of course, nobody knew who did it.

Leti* decided she didn’t have to obey any of the rules and pushed her idea by eating supper in her bedroom. I marched in and declared, “Leti, you are part of this family, and you will eat with this family.” After a few minutes of glaring at each other, she picked up her plate and cup and moved to the kitchen table, to the quiet snickers of the other girls.

Constant problems weighed me down in my tired frame of mind, to the point that I began to wonder if I needed to go back to the States. Perhaps I had overlooked what God had said to me. I reached out for counseling, and the message came back the same, “Get some rest.” How does one do that with such a huge responsibility? I dug in my heels, determined to be the mother of these children and still carry out the duties for the orphanage. I just needed to put my nose to the grindstone, and with the help of others, we could make a difference in the lives of these children.

I later learned that putting one’s nose to the grindstone does not equal success.

*Names have been changed.

Go For the Gold

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I described the dream to Joanne because it now made sense to me.

“In the dream, I looked out a huge picture-window of a house sitting about a block away from a looming mountain. I could see the covering of rock and dirt lacking any vegetation. Raining in torrents like I’d never seen before, water poured down the slope of the mountain.  Water squirted out of the cracks and crevices so that it looked like little waterfalls all over it.  With the rain, smaller portions of rocks rolled down the mountain and built up in piles at the bottom. I remember standing there in total awe and telling everyone to come and look at the awesome sight. I looked at the rubble below and said, ‘There is gold in that rubble and I have to go get it.’ In the dream I knew the gold depicted something precious. The desire burned in me to go get that gold. Two fawns came into the house during the storm. I immediately pulled them close to me.  Obviously starving, I held one on my lap and said that we needed to feed them immediately. While feeding them from a bottle, I petted the one on my lap.  Feeling something by its ear and very concerned I exclaimed, ‘This one has a tick and it is sucking the life out of this fawn. We have to remove it.’”

I saw the gold symbolizing the unsaved and hurting children. The deer represented the needs of these children. God knew the desires in Joanne’s and my heart that we wanted to take action on behalf of the destitute children. He then opened up the idea for the means to make this a reality. We heard the response to our questions: “Yes and now.” With confirmation, we felt in our spirits this was the path we were to take together.

Joanne and I wanted each child to have his own story of hope. How the Lord took him/her out of the filth of the world and filled him/her with His love. The Bible says God puts the lonely in families (Psalm 6:86) and there is no one lonelier and in more despair then someone without hope. We desired that the children who are rescued and brought into Shadow of His Wings would find a family, hope, and love never before experienced by them. The name, Shadow of His Wings, would represent all that we wanted for desperate and hurting children.

Business minded Joanne flew into action as she made an agenda for developing an orphanage. My mind went into the direction of a home and the material items we would need for the children. The Lord had placed us in perfect positions for reaping the wisdom of others in starting an orphanage. We tapped into this wisdom down to the written documents that described the logistics of an orphanage in Guatemala.

Then it all began suddenly. Joanne’s call shook me. She knew of a young unwed mother with a baby who needed help. Lord we don’t even have the orphanage established? I’m in the beginning of the Spanish classes so how would I communicate? Could we do this legally before we have governmental approval? My thoughts jumped all around. Am I ready to step into the calling God placed before me? Joanne said she would set up a meeting with Leti and then I could make the decision about her living with me.