Category Archives: Shadow of His Wings

The orphanage in Monjas, Jalapa, Guatemala

Letting Go: Part 3

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After entering the courtroom, I stalled as long as I could while I savored those last moments with Marita. With the paperwork completed, the judge said the time had come for me to give her to her Great-Aunt Nora.* I hugged Marita close and planted a kiss on her cheek, then quickly held her toward Nora. With her arms around Marita, Nora turned away from me while I made my escape. Marita started screaming before I got to the door, and in the reflection of the window, I could see her little arms reaching out to me. Oh, this hurts. Keep me from going back to her. Lord, I can only do this with you. Practically running, I descended two floors of the building before I stopped hearing the screams of that dear baby girl.

I came face-to-face with something that I had pushed aside, up until now. I needed to resolve the fact that many of the children who came into Shadow of His Wings Orphanage would someday return to a family member or friend. The courts looked at us as a foster-care facility rather than a permanent Home. I mentally reviewed the purpose for founding the orphanage. We established it as a place of refuge; a home to provide healing, hope, and love for hurting and needy children. I didn’t know how many times I would be saying goodbye to children who had a piece of my heart, but I could trust the Lord to help me let them go when the time came. I trusted Him to keep them in His care as a Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God desired all of us at Shadow to invest love and hope into these little lives, even if their stay with us happened to be for a short time. That valuable input made a positive difference in each child. They came in thinking they were garbage, but when they left, they knew they were special in our eyes and the heart of the Lord.

Later, I saw something from a different perspective. As I thought about when Marita cried as I departed, I saw it from her point of view. Children come to us, become part of a family, and then have to leave in uncertainty, their lives changing again. They would be filled with the same fear I saw in Marita. As for myself, I realized that I didn’t have to leave; I just had to let go. They had to leave and let go, giving up all the familiarity around them. I had confidence that the Lord would help everyone during this difficult time, but Shadow needed to help these children accept the unpredictable future by learning to trust and love the Lord. How ironic that when each child enters this refuge, they need to prepare to leave. This preparation needed to be a goal for all staff and workers at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and I saw how that could be accomplished.

Letting Go: Part 2

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MaritaMarita’s great-aunt Nora* told her story, and with the information the mother Rosa* gave, we solved the mystery of Marita’s true identity. We learned how Marita ended up in a box with the bomberos (search-and-rescue people). Rosa asked her sister to take care of her baby for a couple of days. When the time had passed and Rosa didn’t return, the sister took matters into her own hands. She put Marita in a cardboard box and carried her to the bomberos’ station. She lied to them, saying she had no clue who the baby belonged to, aiming retaliation at her sister. When Rosa returned for her little one and discovered her gone, she immediately went to the police, but they didn’t have any information for her. Later, she saw Marita’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and went to the court claiming her daughter.

It seemed that the judge had similar questions like mine, so Rosa received only a court order to visit her child. I knew that the human-rights group and the court would be investigating the stories of both Rosa and the great-aunt. After a few months, it became obvious that Nora showed more stability and love for Marita, making her a better choice for custody. The judge made that decision, giving the Nora custody and granting the mother permission to make regular visits. Now came the hard part. In all of this, I had to learn about “letting go.”

The Lord graciously prepared me for saying goodbye to this darling baby that had captured my heart. I felt a peace that Marita would be safe with her great-aunt. The day came for me to take her to the court and give up custody.

I looked around the bedroom at all of the items I’d purchased and decided that everything would go with her. In my mind, these items belonged to Marita, and she should be surrounded by her familiar possessions. The adjustment would be difficult, and the stuffed teddy bear, toys, and blankets could help her.

Carrying a huge black garbage bag, a bulging diaper bag, and Marita in my arms, I entered the chamber of the judge. Nora watched anxiously with her eyes, following Marita as I came across the room. She put out her hands to Marita, who turned away, wrapped her arms around my neck, and refused to look at her. Lord, this is going to be very painful for both of us. Give us the strength to make it through this day with your peace. Even feeling the peace, letting go proved to be one of the hardest things I had to do.

*Names have been changed.

Unknown Identity Mystery: Part 1

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The first baby we received in the orphanage brought out the “mother hen” in everybody at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. This little doll, with curly black hair and a big smile, captured everyone’s heart. The bomberos (the search and rescue people) named the baby Marita* when she was dropped off at their station. She stirred up great interest because nobody knew who she was or where she came from. Christmas1

According to the information given to us, a woman found the baby in a box, took the box to the bomberos’ station, and prepared to leave without talking to anybody. Someone caught her, and she quickly said the baby didn’t belong to her, and she knew nothing about her. The bomberos took Marita to the children’s court, and she came to us from there.

Her care fell to me because I acted as the housemother, and in no time a strong bond formed. The girls loved taking care of her but in the form of playing dolls. They changed her clothes often and fixed her hair in various ways. They willingly changed her messy diapers. Marita rewarded all of the attention with her smiles and giggles. A casual observer could see that she had everyone wrapped around her little finger.

The human rights people initiated an investigation to find anyone who could identify Marita. We contributed to the search by putting her picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and on TV for any possible leads. A woman claiming to be the mother went to the court immediately after seeing Marita’s picture. The next day she came to our door with a document that declared her right to visit the baby. The mother in me rose up in protest. What if she was not the real mother? How did Marita get lost? What stable mother would lose her baby? It seemed strange that the real mother would not know where her child had gone. We followed the court order, but someone stayed with the mother during the entire visit. With limited Spanish, I couldn’t ask the questions that would help me understand what happened, but I prayed we would have those answers soon.

After a month, another woman came to visit Marita. This woman told the court that she was the mother’s aunt. Our social worker closely followed any information that came from the human rights group, and they said she had documentation to prove her claims of being the biological great-aunt to the baby. Meanwhile, Marita and I drew closer together in a mother-daughter relationship. Just the thought of her leaving the orphanage tore my heart. I needed to prepare myself for this possibility. I did desire for her biological mother to have her child back if she truly loved her and would keep her safe. From our perspective, the mother’s story didn’t seem legitimate. Lord, please prepare me for what is coming. Help the officials to find the truth of what happened and to place Marita with people who will love and care for her.

I wanted to keep Marita with us for her protection, but more importantly, I knew she should be with her biological family. After a good talking to myself, I realized this would be one of many lessons in trusting the Lord to protect the children who came through Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. I would have to let some of them go. I knew I needed the help of the Lord to accomplish this. Could I reconcile the idea that Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, a place of refuge for children, would be temporary in the lives of most of those received?

*Name has been changed.

Rescued and Safe

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Rescued and safe with us put Ana’s* situation on a high level of concern as I pondered her special needs. My problem-solving ability went into overtime with this girl. I questioned how to obtain justice in her life when nothing existed for tracking those responsible for her mental and physical state. It overwhelmed me, but the Lord graciously reminded me that I had to trust Him with the plan for her life. My worrying didn’t bring anything positive into her situation or my life. Oh, Lord, will I ever learn that You are the one with the answers for Ana. 

Joanne, the other Guatemalans who worked for us, and I talked about possible help for Ana. I expressed my deep desire to keep her with us for as long as possible. Much to Ana’s delight, we sent her to school with the other girls. Several self-appointed classmates stepped forward to help when the need arose. The director and teachers at Liberty Christian School (our private school for the orphanage) set up a program for her. Meanwhile, we looked for other ministries that could provide optional services for Ana. We wanted her to have all the help possible.

During the first several months, Ana spoke only a few words at a time and on rare occasions. She described to the caretakers about “blood all over,” “dirty,” and she would make a motion of her hand sweeping from her elbow to the hand. She talked about a knife and slid her hand across her throat. She also talked about a baby and a boy. Ana mentioned a papa in the context that he had blood all over his arms and hands. Ana repeated the words of gory happenings, so we knew that something real and horrible took place with her watching or being involved. With her little-girl speech and mentality, it was difficult to come to any clear conclusions, but one could guess of her involvement in satanic rituals. As the neurologist said, he had seen many victims of such rituals that had shut down their brains to protect themselves.

I needed to let go of the pain I felt for her and be content to open the door for her safety, love, and healing. All of this would take place in the Lord’s time and not mine. Did I trust the Lord to do that? The question haunted me, but I got to the place where I could say, “Yes, Lord, she is in your hands. Lead us and guide us in helping her.”

A miracle was needed to heal the damage in this girl. We declared that what the enemy meant for evil to destroy Ana, God would use for good. I continued to declare justice for her but knew that I couldn’t make it happen. We didn’t have any concrete evidence to involve the police or the human rights people. Ana stood as one of many. I also knew the justice she deserved would come in the name of the Lord. He had brought her to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and she felt rescued and safe in this refuge for children. Under my watchful eye, and in the hands of the Lord, peace filled my heart. Ana didn’t have to suffer or die out in the world all alone. She had a home and family to take care of her.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me what we can do for Ana and any others that may come to us from similar circumstances. I moved further in the area of trust in the Lord through a special child.

*Name has been changed.