Every story that I hear from the children who come to Shadow stirs the emotions like a hot poker in a bed of coals, but there are some that rip the heart apart. Sadi’s* story did a number on mine when she shared about her painful past. I listened to her story as a counselor, asking the Lord for His words and wisdom to help this girl find some semblance of healing. There had to be an underlying cause of rebellion we saw in her.
Sadi cooperated at times, making me feel hopeful for her healing. Then she bounced back to a state of lies, anger, and a refusal to comply. She’d lived with us for several years, and all of these issues had been dealt with in the past. However, they consistently popped up, letting us know that the wounds continued to ooze. We hoped that she would come to a place of peace with her past through the grace of the Lord.
“Sadi, I want you to tell me everything you remember before you came to Shadow. Who did you live with? What good and bad memories do you have? How did you feel emotionally? Just start anywhere.”
We had followed this line of questioning before because any tidbit of information could be the key to healing her state of emotions.
She thought for several moments. “My mother said she tried to abort me because she didn’t want me. After my birth, she gave me to my father. I hated her. My dad took care of me, and we lived together for seven years.”
“Did you like living with your father, or did he abuse you?” I asked.
“I loved my father,” she replied as a sob took over her voice, “but someone killed him.”
Sadness filled me as I waited for her to get control and continue with her story.
“He sat on the porch, and somebody shot him. I ran out and lay my body against him not knowing what to do. Others came to help, but I don’t remember much after that. I only knew that my dad would never be with me again. Someone took me to my mom’s home, but she still didn’t want me. One day, my step-dad took me for a ride, and we ended up at the children’s court. He told the secretary that he didn’t want another mouth to feed and left me there.”
By this time, it took everything in me to hold myself together while I wrapped my arms around this emotionally distraught child. Lord, only you can mend this shattered heart. Help her to trust us.
I reflected on the disrespect shown by Sadi to the other females in authority at Shadow. She made faces behind their backs and mimicked their words. Before hearing Sadi’s story, I couldn’t understand her contempt, because the women at Shadow showed her love and compassion, yet she lashed out at them. From time to time, she aimed those emotions at me. I now understood that the root of the rebellion grew from a loveless relationship with her mother. Sadi would zero in on the attention of the male population, giving them trust and cooperation, but the female population didn’t have a chance.
When Sadi turned nineteen, she left the orphanage without any prior word to those in authority. She gave up her university training and moved in with the man she planned to marry. I knew Sadi would need more counseling, but committed her into the hands of the Lord and made myself available to be mama when she wanted to talk. God is the Healer, and my prayers continued for the restoration of her shattered soul. We found the cause of rebellion but, like many children who come through Shadow of His Wings Orphanage we only saw a certain degree of healing. Lord may the rest come through You in Your time as she takes each step with You.
*Name has been changed.