Category Archives: God’s plan and purpose

Trusting the Lord

1 Reply

During the time of lamenting and second-guessing myself, the Lord got my attention, and I realized I lacked trust in Him. I preached to the children about the trust we can have with the Lord, yet I faltered as I thought of my responses about Sara*. Three different people came forward and shared words of encouragement with me. None of them knew to the extent that my mind twisted and turned about the responsibility I brought upon the Home. They said that Sara would find the Lord Jesus Christ as her Savior. She would find love and security that she never knew before living with us. All three people spoke the same words at three separate times. I may not have understood all of the “whys,” but God had a plan, and I needed to trust the Lord with Sara’s life. He showed me that when I recognized my weakness, then He could work through the situation with His might and wisdom. I surely recognized my weaknesses. Forgive me, Lord, for my doubts, and help me to trust you more. 

People scheduled to help with dialysis, which we administered four times a day. We sectioned off and sanitized a little room for Sara’s medical supplies and treatments. We learned to record the amount of fluid drained from her, the amount of fluid input, her temperature, and any external visible signs. My missionary friend Dannie sent me a list of signals to watch for that would indicate an emergency. Checking for signs of swelling, weakness, sleeping more than usual, white around the lips, or coughing kept us on alert. But each day became more complicated with her death wish. One time, Sara cut the dialysis cord to her abdomen, and we rushed her to the emergency room. There were times she refused to eat, thinking that she could starve herself to death. But God had a plan, and our little team gathered together in prayer for her. During our turns administering dialysis, we planted seeds of hope and love into her heart. I spent many hours with her during dialysis and saw her emotional pain. She viewed herself as garbage. Her tears and wild responses showed me the deep fear she tried to hide. I felt myself becoming more protective of her. Gradually, I could see the walls starting to crumble.

The judge who gave us custody of Sara asked if we could find someone in the States who would adopt her. She wanted Sara to have the possibility of a kidney transplant and saw this as a solution. The thought startled me, because I couldn’t imagine anyone adopting a child with such a difficult medical history. I had more to pray for but could see this as a possibility for Sara’s life.

“Sara, did you know that God created you with a plan and a purpose for your life before He created the world?” Her fingers wove in and out of my blonde hair, which all of the kids liked to do, but the strange look I received told me she did not know this. I read Psalm 139 to her. “Sara, God doesn’t make mistakes, and even though we don’t understand all that is going on in our lives, we know that He created us for something good. How would you feel about being adopted, going to the States to be a part of a family, and having a kidney transplant?” I really didn’t know what to expect but was surprised at such quick negativity. “No!” she muttered turning away from me.

One of the requirements in the adoption process was the approval from Sara. What can we do to change her mind? How can we help her see the benefits of adoption? I said the words out loud many times: God has a plan all worked out for Sara. We were in the dark as to where He would lead her, but I trusted in Him.

*Name has been changed.

No Will to Live

Leave a reply

I received a call from the court for a young girl ready to leave the hospital. Although I had difficulty understanding Spanish over the phone, I did pick up the idea that this girl had kidney problems. Without thinking about what I said, the word “yes” jumped out of my mouth. We would take her into the Home. Then I stood on the outside steps, after the conversation, in shock of what I had just committed to. Lord, this physical problem will require more than what we are able to do. Why did I say yes? For whatever reason, I felt that Sara* needed to live with us. Father, I will be obedient to this, but You will need to work out all of the details.

She stood before me with short black hair, dark eyes that lacked luster, chubby cheeks, and a distended abdomen. I ached to hug her and ease some of the pain I saw in her eyes, but when I tried, she pulled back. Lord, this one has been deeply hurt and needs to feel Your love and touch. “Sara, I am Mama Carroll, and this is your new home. There are several girls living here, and we are all part of a family. You are now part of that family too.” She responded with a slight smile. This one had walls around her heart.

Sara’s doctor sent some medication, bags of dialysis liquid, and instructions for doing the dialysis. Totally new to me, I ventured into a medical realm that I never wanted to be a part of. I would learn what I needed to help this ten-year-old girl. I could only imagine the suffering she had endured when her mother abandoned her in a hospital with the diagnosis of kidney failure. From there, Sara went to an orphanage that neglected her physical needs, and the consequences put her back into the hospital. Sara’s doctor wanted to adopt her as her own, but circumstances prevented that from happening. Rejection after rejection permeated the life of this little one, to the point that she didn’t even want to live. Could we break through those walls? Would we be able to provide the necessary medical care, which included dialysis four times a day? We don’t have any medical training to deal with peritoneal dialysis. I didn’t regret my decision to bring her into the Home, but I did know we could be facing dire circumstances if we couldn’t keep up with her medical needs. Driven to my knees, I pleaded with the Lord to make a way for Sara to live with us in health and in love.

Joanne met with Sara’s doctor, and the information she gave indicated that Sara could die at any time, and we needed to be prepared for it. Three of Sara’s friends from the hospital, who were on dialysis for one and a half years, had passed away. That would put Sara next. I wanted to shout out in protest, but instead I listened to the need for a plan if this were to happen. How would we deal with the other children? Dying wasn’t in my thoughts when I agreed to her coming to Shadow.

Legally, we would be responsible for any funeral and burial arrangements. We knew nothing about the Guatemalan regulations other than it all had to take place within seventy-two hours of her death. Joanne proceeded to get all of the information and planned to see about purchasing a cemetery plot. Meanwhile, I second-guessed my decision for her to live with us.

The children in the orphanage were familiar with death, because in this country, it is all around them. But we needed to protect them. I put us into this responsibility because of the decision I made about Sara. Lord, more than ever I need Your help with wisdom and the ability to take care of Sara. Please guide us in a plan for when Sara passes into eternity. if it happens, we need help so the children can adjust to such a painful event.

Hope for the Desperate

2 Replies

The day after the advisory board meeting, I reflected on my first year in Guatemala. I taught sixth-grade missionary children in a suburb of Guatemala City. I felt like I contributed to the ministry by working with the students and by being involved in the Guatemalan community. (You can read about these mission projects in the previous posts, seven through fourteen.) I felt content with my position as a teacher and had no doubt about need. Teachers are in great demand on every mission field. I played a small part in filling that need, but I still felt the tug of the Lord moving me onto something else.
My eyes had been opened to the state of third-world children living in poverty. I heard of little girls being used and abused in ways that broke my heart. Some were targets of an alcoholic or drug-induced family member, who physically lashed out in frustration and anger. The child sometimes carried the marks for weeks, and sometimes the scars remained for life. Gangs took advantage of the yearning these kids had for a family and a sense of belonging. Once you are a member of a gang you must comply with the orders of the leaders. Nobody is allowed to leave the gang—alive. Sexually, girls here are an open market. It is common practice for stepfathers or boyfriends of mothers to take advantage in the home. Many girls are forced into child prostitution without an age limit for such activity. If pregnancy occurs, then the girl is cast aside like a piece of dirty garbage. I asked myself, What can I do to help these children. I knew I could pray, but I wanted action. I saw a social structure where men took liberties with young girls for their own selfish pleasures, and no accountability existed. These norms were strong in this culture, and my heart ached for the little girls who had to bear the consequences of these ungodly ideas and wicked passions. They needed someone to take them away and put them in a safe place with security, love, food, and hope. They needed to know that before the creation of the world, God had a plan for their lives. They needed to hear that they were not some fluke accident but created for a good purpose. Could God be leading me in this proposal? My mind filled with a multitude of questions, but I felt in my heart an openness to move in such a direction according to God’s plan. It was a God-thing. Who else could take a single teacher from Montana and a woman from Alaska and have them meet in Guatemala. Both having the same strong desire to make a difference in the lives of hurting children and form an orphanage?

My eyes opened to the fact that if I were willing, I could do more. Hadn’t I been praying for that opportunity? Would I trust the Lord in this huge venture? Would I say yes and accept this as part of the plan God had written down in HIs book before the creation of the world? Hadn’t God proven to me, from past experiences, that He would give me what I needed to fulfill a calling He’d given me? Humbled before Him, I said yes to all of the above questions. I needed to refocus on the Lord and get my thoughts off of myself. I walked in hope and trust with the Lord and knew His love drew others to Him. I could only imagine what changes would take place in the lives of abandoned hurting children if they lived in this truth. I know what it did for me. Okay, Lord, count me in. 

Joanne and I met that evening, seeking the Lord for direction. “Father, is it your plan for us to start this orphanage? When would we do this if it is your desire?” We waited for answers.

“The dream!” I exclaimed. “I had a dream several years ago before leaving Montana and coming to Guatemala. I now understand what the dream meant.”

Determined Success

1 Reply

Teachers spend many hours with their students and get caught up in their personal lives, as well as the academic. This happened to me many times and these intense situations needed a lot of extra attention. One instance happened when the principal of Christian Academy of Guatemala came to me with a concern for a young Korean girl who had been held back a grade because she didn’t understand much English. He brought her standard test scores, and they showed that she excelled in everything except English. I could empathize with her, knowing how I felt in a Spanish environment, with a limited ability to comprehend what I heard around me.

The Lord is faithful and after talking with the principal and Sue’s* parents, we decided that Sue would begin sixth grade with my class. The parents would continue to have tutors help her with each subject area. On the first day of class, this timid student sat quietly in her desk with eyes full of expectation, while all of the other students were bouncing off the walls with excitement. Sue took her education plan seriously. She knew she had to learn an array of subjects and lacked the ability to comprehend all that I taught to the class. My heart burst with admiration, and I saw her as a role model for me when I faced obstacles in my life.

Sue had attended CAG for two years so had some comprehension of English, but she understood Spanish better because her family ministered in the Spanish community. She knew many words in English, but didn’t know how to use them or understand them when someone spoke to her. I knew I had my work cut out for me. I talked to her teacher, from the year before, and she assured me of this child’s intelligence and deep desire to learn. “Could I make a difference in her education when I couldn’t speak Spanish or Korean?” Lord, I need some wisdom and insight as to what your plan is for this child.

I offered to work extra time with her during my prep, as part of the plan. In the beginning, I could hardly hear her respond when she answered a question or had a comment. Out of her shyness, she would look and whisper to the floor. I met with her privately, on a daily basis, and as the days of tutoring passed by, Sue became bolder and showed a confidence I hadn’t seen before. She demonstrated her intelligence, many times, in the fast rate it took her to grab a concept or learn how to use English words. Within a few weeks, she sat up straight and tall in her desk, with a grand smile on her lips, and made eye contact with whomever she was speaking to.

Later, in the school year, Sue became sick. It became stressful for all of us, to see someone we had grown to love start fading away. We prayed every day for her, and then the day came when we heard that she had gone back to Korea. My heart hurt deeply for her when I looked back over the positive changes that had taken place since the first day of my class. With a determination to succeed, she held some of the highest grades in the whole class. She joined in with laughter and jokes, adding to the personality of the class. I had trust and faith that God had a plan for her life and out of His faithfulness, He would guide and direct her.

We continued to fast and pray for Sue, believing that her body would be touched with the healing hand of the Lord. About three months into the next school year, Sue surprised us and came to school in full health. My heart leaped as I saw this beautiful girl with clear, bright eyes and a full smile. Our prayers had been answered, and Sue said she wanted to come back to “this” school. We all rejoiced because we saw the faithful Lord’s hand working in her life.

I think of how important it is to give all we have and then some when we face our personal obstacles. Many times our fears keep us from taking the bold stand that I saw Sue take. Yet, the Bible says that when we have done all we can to stand, we just need to stand firm and the Lord will move in with help. That’s what Sue did when she determined success in her life.

*Name has been changed.