Author Archives: Carroll

Taking in the First Children

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Dedicationphoto_2After a whirlwind of activities, we located a house, leapt into the process of getting governmental approval, found financial support, and purchased the necessities to establish a home. The top priority for myself was Spanish school. Then I found myself in an unexpected situation.

Joanne arranged to meet a teenager named Leti,* an orphan, who had been sexually abused by a family member and had a baby as a result of that abuse. Joanne found out about Leti through Leti’s cousin and knew she needed to check out the situation. She found a starving mother with a very sick and undernourished baby. Joanne, full of compassion, asked me, “Would you meet with her and consider taking her and the baby into the Home as our first children?”

I knew what my answer would be before we met, and Leti’s story confirmed it as she tearfully told of being ostracized by her family. Leti, at the age of sixteen, gave birth to Jorge in the dirty village hospital. Her aunt and other family members told her she could not put her baby up for adoption, but they refused to help her in any way. Leti had to find her own way home after the birth of the baby and didn’t even have diapers or clothes for Jorge. She wrapped him in some of her raggedy clothes and an old blanket. Leti had to find or beg for food, while those around her pretended that she didn’t exist. I knelt down in front of this sixteen-year-old girl, took her in my arms, and cried with her. Oh, Lord, this is a prime example of desperation. May we have the opportunity to help her?

At this point, it didn’t matter that I didn’t understand much Spanish. Isn’t love the universal language? The hurt and pain that I saw in Leti’s eyes bore into my soul. Little Jorge, full of giggles, grabbed my heart in seconds. Yes, we established Shadow of His Wings to be a home for girls, but this exception needed to be made. At Leti’s age, she could legally decide where she wanted to live. With all of the bases covered, Leti and Jorge became the first children in Shadow of His Wings Orphanage.

The decision for me to be the housemother for any girls who came into the Home seemed easy to make. I wanted to be in that position even though I lacked the language ability. God called me to this, and I trusted Him to help me learn Spanish. I found myself again stepping off a plank into the unknown. Joanne fit in perfectly with her administrative and Spanish-speaking abilities. All things are possible with God and with His help. I knew we could manage this orphanage.

We hired a cook and a housekeeper, allowing me to focus on Leti and the language studies. With everything in place, Jorge and Leti moved in.

Early one evening, I heard ten month old Jorge screaming, and I hurried across the hall to Leti’s bedroom. “Leti, open the door, please.” I heard the click of the lock and entered into the room. Sobbing, Jorge sat on the changing table with a red swollen lip. I need control, Lord. Please help me remain calm. “Leti, you do not hit a baby.” Leti, refusing to look at me, kept herself busy by rolling up the soiled diaper to throw in the garbage. “Leti, look at me,” I demanded. She slowly turned her dark eyes to me with a smirk on her face. I ground out the words again, “You do not hit a baby, and we will talk about this later.” I reached out to Jorge, who leaped into my arms. I took him into my room, while I cooled down.

The honeymoon period came to an abrupt halt, as I faced the reality that this young mother had never experienced the love and care of people around her. She was a child taking care of a baby without any positive examples of how this should be done. My life took an abrupt turn in the learning curve, as I faced the responsibility of being a mother figure to one who already showed resistance to correction.

*Names have been changed.

Go For the Gold

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I described the dream to Joanne because it now made sense to me.

“In the dream, I looked out a huge picture-window of a house sitting about a block away from a looming mountain. I could see the covering of rock and dirt lacking any vegetation. Raining in torrents like I’d never seen before, water poured down the slope of the mountain.  Water squirted out of the cracks and crevices so that it looked like little waterfalls all over it.  With the rain, smaller portions of rocks rolled down the mountain and built up in piles at the bottom. I remember standing there in total awe and telling everyone to come and look at the awesome sight. I looked at the rubble below and said, ‘There is gold in that rubble and I have to go get it.’ In the dream I knew the gold depicted something precious. The desire burned in me to go get that gold. Two fawns came into the house during the storm. I immediately pulled them close to me.  Obviously starving, I held one on my lap and said that we needed to feed them immediately. While feeding them from a bottle, I petted the one on my lap.  Feeling something by its ear and very concerned I exclaimed, ‘This one has a tick and it is sucking the life out of this fawn. We have to remove it.’”

I saw the gold symbolizing the unsaved and hurting children. The deer represented the needs of these children. God knew the desires in Joanne’s and my heart that we wanted to take action on behalf of the destitute children. He then opened up the idea for the means to make this a reality. We heard the response to our questions: “Yes and now.” With confirmation, we felt in our spirits this was the path we were to take together.

Joanne and I wanted each child to have his own story of hope. How the Lord took him/her out of the filth of the world and filled him/her with His love. The Bible says God puts the lonely in families (Psalm 6:86) and there is no one lonelier and in more despair then someone without hope. We desired that the children who are rescued and brought into Shadow of His Wings would find a family, hope, and love never before experienced by them. The name, Shadow of His Wings, would represent all that we wanted for desperate and hurting children.

Business minded Joanne flew into action as she made an agenda for developing an orphanage. My mind went into the direction of a home and the material items we would need for the children. The Lord had placed us in perfect positions for reaping the wisdom of others in starting an orphanage. We tapped into this wisdom down to the written documents that described the logistics of an orphanage in Guatemala.

Then it all began suddenly. Joanne’s call shook me. She knew of a young unwed mother with a baby who needed help. Lord we don’t even have the orphanage established? I’m in the beginning of the Spanish classes so how would I communicate? Could we do this legally before we have governmental approval? My thoughts jumped all around. Am I ready to step into the calling God placed before me? Joanne said she would set up a meeting with Leti and then I could make the decision about her living with me.

Hope for the Desperate

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The day after the advisory board meeting, I reflected on my first year in Guatemala. I taught sixth-grade missionary children in a suburb of Guatemala City. I felt like I contributed to the ministry by working with the students and by being involved in the Guatemalan community. (You can read about these mission projects in the previous posts, seven through fourteen.) I felt content with my position as a teacher and had no doubt about need. Teachers are in great demand on every mission field. I played a small part in filling that need, but I still felt the tug of the Lord moving me onto something else.
My eyes had been opened to the state of third-world children living in poverty. I heard of little girls being used and abused in ways that broke my heart. Some were targets of an alcoholic or drug-induced family member, who physically lashed out in frustration and anger. The child sometimes carried the marks for weeks, and sometimes the scars remained for life. Gangs took advantage of the yearning these kids had for a family and a sense of belonging. Once you are a member of a gang you must comply with the orders of the leaders. Nobody is allowed to leave the gang—alive. Sexually, girls here are an open market. It is common practice for stepfathers or boyfriends of mothers to take advantage in the home. Many girls are forced into child prostitution without an age limit for such activity. If pregnancy occurs, then the girl is cast aside like a piece of dirty garbage. I asked myself, What can I do to help these children. I knew I could pray, but I wanted action. I saw a social structure where men took liberties with young girls for their own selfish pleasures, and no accountability existed. These norms were strong in this culture, and my heart ached for the little girls who had to bear the consequences of these ungodly ideas and wicked passions. They needed someone to take them away and put them in a safe place with security, love, food, and hope. They needed to know that before the creation of the world, God had a plan for their lives. They needed to hear that they were not some fluke accident but created for a good purpose. Could God be leading me in this proposal? My mind filled with a multitude of questions, but I felt in my heart an openness to move in such a direction according to God’s plan. It was a God-thing. Who else could take a single teacher from Montana and a woman from Alaska and have them meet in Guatemala. Both having the same strong desire to make a difference in the lives of hurting children and form an orphanage?

My eyes opened to the fact that if I were willing, I could do more. Hadn’t I been praying for that opportunity? Would I trust the Lord in this huge venture? Would I say yes and accept this as part of the plan God had written down in HIs book before the creation of the world? Hadn’t God proven to me, from past experiences, that He would give me what I needed to fulfill a calling He’d given me? Humbled before Him, I said yes to all of the above questions. I needed to refocus on the Lord and get my thoughts off of myself. I walked in hope and trust with the Lord and knew His love drew others to Him. I could only imagine what changes would take place in the lives of abandoned hurting children if they lived in this truth. I know what it did for me. Okay, Lord, count me in. 

Joanne and I met that evening, seeking the Lord for direction. “Father, is it your plan for us to start this orphanage? When would we do this if it is your desire?” We waited for answers.

“The dream!” I exclaimed. “I had a dream several years ago before leaving Montana and coming to Guatemala. I now understand what the dream meant.”

The Birthing Continued

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Scan 5.1Pastor Carlos reached over, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, “You couldn’t get the girl out of the village, but I could. Then I would put her in the orphanage you are going to start.”

I swallowed hard as my mind flashed to a time several months before this. How could I explain the pieces the Lord has shown me when they are not even clear to me? I thought back to the day I received an email from a missionary friend. Dannie said that if I could find some children on the streets, she would come down to Guatemala, and we could start an orphanage. She and her companion-in-ministry served in the medical field, and with my teaching experience, we could help needy and abandoned children. However, after the first wave of excitement passed over me, I pushed the whole idea to the back burner of my mind. Now it came rushing forward. How could this pastor even have an inkling that I had given this idea some thought?

Looking around the table, I saw that all eyes had turned to me. My throat felt like sandpaper as I slowly said, “Would you believe I have a name for an orphanage?” Their shocked expressions provoked me into explaining the email from my missionary friend months ago. I told them that I had felt a slight tremor of excitement while reading the email and thought, “That’s a nice Mother Teresa idea and something I would be interested in someday.” Then I told how these words popped into my mind: “shadow of his wings.”

After the initial excitement, the president and I decided to seek God’s plan with prayer and fasting for this monstrosity of an idea. The board assured us of their prayers, and we departed, while I tried to glimpse into the mysterious future.

I went home and pondered all that had happened. My thoughts focused on how this could be a good “someday” project. The impact of all of this scared the wits out of me. “Who am I to be involved in building an orphanage?” I cried out to the Lord. I laid before Him all the reasons why someone else would succeed with something like this. I didn’t even know Spanish, other than words like taco, burrito, or adios. Me? No way! Being a loving and patient God, He spoke to me and said that many of the things I had gone through in the past were preparation for this time. I needed to listen to Him, and He would guide me around the stumbling stones. He continued, “I am behind you, at your right side, at your left side, leading you, lifting you up, and you are under the shadow of my wings.” Did I hear correctly? Shocked, I heard the same name that came to my mind months before when I received Dannie’s email.

I looked up at the bulletin board that hung above my desk. I focused upon the photo of the children I had been involved with in ministry. The two elderly sisters stood behind the four girls, and the pain I felt for those little abandoned kids washed over me again. The impact of all this imbedded into the very core of my being, and I wept.