Author Archives: Carroll

Word Planters

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A young girl arrived at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage in horrible physical and mental condition. She had suffered sexual abuse to the point that she did not have normal bodily functions. I faced another case that made me scream out for justice on her behalf. More than that, I desired that the Lord’s hand would heal her mind and body. She needed the “word planters.”

I met with her and shared words of love and hope, but I didn’t expect the response I received.

“Karla*, welcome to Shadow of His Wings. You’ve met the couple who are your house parents and the kids in your casita. Are you ready for school tomorrow?”

“No, I’m not going.” she growled out as dark eyes glared at me. “I don’t have a uniform.” I saw another hard case before me. Fill her with your love, Lord.

“We’re working on that now. We have a lady who will sew a skirt and top for you. There aren’t many extras in the storage room, and they are usually the big sizes. Meanwhile, you have permission to wear any skirt and top until your uniform is finished.” I hoped that the casual talk would help her relax, but she held her hands in fists, and her taut face didn’t show any signs of a smile.

“Karla, I’m here to help you in any way that I can.” Her smirk and sigh told me of her doubt. “You are a special young lady…” and before I could finish, she jumped in with, “No, I’m not.”

Several of the children I’d talked to may have thought this, but she was the first one to say it to me. I need your wisdom, Lord. Please help me to know what to say. I asked her some questions (did she have a good friend; did she attend church), but all of her short answers were matter-of-fact. She appeared emotionally cold. I couldn’t even see a flicker of light in her eyes, and her face was void of expression. Ana* had shut down her brain, but Karla had shut down her emotions.

With many prayers said, the Shadow team spoke words of love and hope into this girl. The response turned into a great victory when we saw her believing the words she heard. This gal did not know how to read and had not attended school before coming to Shadow, but with the annual Fine Arts competition looming ahead, Karla decided she wanted to participate. She memorized a long poem, dressed in typical clothing, and performed as if she had done it many times in the past. It gave me chills to hear her speak with a strong voice filled with emotion. Yahoo, she spoke with emotion! Yes! Lord, You did it. Those positive and encouraging words planted in her were bearing fruit.

Karla still had a long way to go in the area of physical and mental healing, but it thrilled me to see how the adults rallied around her with healing words. This turned into teamwork, with the Guatemalans and North Americans pouring themselves into her and other hurting children. I mentally thought of us as God’s “word planters.” I prayed that we would all be word planters with whomever we came into contact and that the Lord would give us His words of love to share. I knew there wouldn’t always be immediate responses like in the case of Karla, but we needed to do what we could and let God do the rest.

*Name has been changed.

God’s Plan

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One day, Gerber jumped up from his desk and ran toward the gate, responding to Antonio’s cries for help. Following Gerber out the door, I couldn’t believe what I saw. After trying to get out of the gate, little Elias* attempted to climb the wall to make an escape. Gerber caught up to him and held the struggling guy in his arms, “It’s okay, Elias, I’m here to help you.”

I walked back to the office with them, thinking of what I wanted to tell this frightened boy who had been with us for only two days. He desperately felt the need to leave and managed to get out of the school, past their gate, and down to the front gate before he got caught. Elias didn’t respond to Gerber, so he obviously didn’t trust people.

Gerber took Elias into his office to talk, and I asked the social worker about Elias and why he came to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage. This boy had lived his young life out on the streets looking for food, a place to sleep, and acceptance. His alcoholic mother told him over and over that he was worthless. She loudly declared that she hated him and wished he had never been born. The neighbors testified to the abuses that took place close to them, and Elias’ body bore scars from his mother and others, as they took out their anger and frustrations upon him.

I could hardly wait to talk with Elias. He sat before me looking down at his shoes. “Elias, look at me, please,” I said. I felt relieved when he did and took advantage of the moment. “Elias, you are loved by all of us here. We want to take care of you and help you feel safe. You don’t have to go look for food or a place to sleep. Don’t you have a bed in the casita?” His scarred head nodded in affirmation. “Have you been given food to eat?” I barely heard the whispered, “Si.”

“Elias, I want to share something with you that you will hear from others here in Shadow, because it is a very important message. Did you know that God has a special plan for your life, and He made you for that special plan? People have done evil things to you, but God did not plan it that way. I believe the Lord has brought you here so you can know how important you are and that you are part of His family.”

I strongly shared these thoughts with Elias because at a time in my past, they impacted me. The goal to teach every child that their lives have purpose in Jesus had been carried out since Marita left the orphanage. Many, like Elias, desperately needed to know their importance in God’s plans. I had the honor of sharing God’s love with Elias. After praying, he rose to leave, grabbed me around my waist, and gave me a big hug. I knew he felt loved, and his life would be transformed because of it.

Elias responded by demonstrating positive changes in his daily interactions. He looked directly into the eyes when spoken to. His lopsided smile and laugh had taken the place of the straight-lipped fear that once showed on his face. Elias soaked in the love and learned to respond to others in the same way as his role models.

My heart soared because of the hope we could give these children, knowing how hopeless many of them felt when they came to us. I could be a part of providing a place of refuge and help them find a purpose for their lives. They are told that they are not some accident but created for a specific plan formed by God. Adding love to this message gives hope the power to fill their hearts with a knowing of who they are in the Lord Jesus. Thank you, Lord, that I can be a part of this with You.

*Name has been changed.

Letting Go: Part 3

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After entering the courtroom, I stalled as long as I could while I savored those last moments with Marita. With the paperwork completed, the judge said the time had come for me to give her to her Great-Aunt Nora.* I hugged Marita close and planted a kiss on her cheek, then quickly held her toward Nora. With her arms around Marita, Nora turned away from me while I made my escape. Marita started screaming before I got to the door, and in the reflection of the window, I could see her little arms reaching out to me. Oh, this hurts. Keep me from going back to her. Lord, I can only do this with you. Practically running, I descended two floors of the building before I stopped hearing the screams of that dear baby girl.

I came face-to-face with something that I had pushed aside, up until now. I needed to resolve the fact that many of the children who came into Shadow of His Wings Orphanage would someday return to a family member or friend. The courts looked at us as a foster-care facility rather than a permanent Home. I mentally reviewed the purpose for founding the orphanage. We established it as a place of refuge; a home to provide healing, hope, and love for hurting and needy children. I didn’t know how many times I would be saying goodbye to children who had a piece of my heart, but I could trust the Lord to help me let them go when the time came. I trusted Him to keep them in His care as a Father of the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). God desired all of us at Shadow to invest love and hope into these little lives, even if their stay with us happened to be for a short time. That valuable input made a positive difference in each child. They came in thinking they were garbage, but when they left, they knew they were special in our eyes and the heart of the Lord.

Later, I saw something from a different perspective. As I thought about when Marita cried as I departed, I saw it from her point of view. Children come to us, become part of a family, and then have to leave in uncertainty, their lives changing again. They would be filled with the same fear I saw in Marita. As for myself, I realized that I didn’t have to leave; I just had to let go. They had to leave and let go, giving up all the familiarity around them. I had confidence that the Lord would help everyone during this difficult time, but Shadow needed to help these children accept the unpredictable future by learning to trust and love the Lord. How ironic that when each child enters this refuge, they need to prepare to leave. This preparation needed to be a goal for all staff and workers at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage, and I saw how that could be accomplished.

Letting Go: Part 2

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MaritaMarita’s great-aunt Nora* told her story, and with the information the mother Rosa* gave, we solved the mystery of Marita’s true identity. We learned how Marita ended up in a box with the bomberos (search-and-rescue people). Rosa asked her sister to take care of her baby for a couple of days. When the time had passed and Rosa didn’t return, the sister took matters into her own hands. She put Marita in a cardboard box and carried her to the bomberos’ station. She lied to them, saying she had no clue who the baby belonged to, aiming retaliation at her sister. When Rosa returned for her little one and discovered her gone, she immediately went to the police, but they didn’t have any information for her. Later, she saw Marita’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and went to the court claiming her daughter.

It seemed that the judge had similar questions like mine, so Rosa received only a court order to visit her child. I knew that the human-rights group and the court would be investigating the stories of both Rosa and the great-aunt. After a few months, it became obvious that Nora showed more stability and love for Marita, making her a better choice for custody. The judge made that decision, giving the Nora custody and granting the mother permission to make regular visits. Now came the hard part. In all of this, I had to learn about “letting go.”

The Lord graciously prepared me for saying goodbye to this darling baby that had captured my heart. I felt a peace that Marita would be safe with her great-aunt. The day came for me to take her to the court and give up custody.

I looked around the bedroom at all of the items I’d purchased and decided that everything would go with her. In my mind, these items belonged to Marita, and she should be surrounded by her familiar possessions. The adjustment would be difficult, and the stuffed teddy bear, toys, and blankets could help her.

Carrying a huge black garbage bag, a bulging diaper bag, and Marita in my arms, I entered the chamber of the judge. Nora watched anxiously with her eyes, following Marita as I came across the room. She put out her hands to Marita, who turned away, wrapped her arms around my neck, and refused to look at her. Lord, this is going to be very painful for both of us. Give us the strength to make it through this day with your peace. Even feeling the peace, letting go proved to be one of the hardest things I had to do.

*Names have been changed.