Gabriela* sat with me in the office crying out and saying that her mother hit her all the time and told her she was garbage. “I want to kill myself,” she declared emphatically. Those words sent a chill down my spine. Would we have to return a girl to the court for her own safety?

“We are here to help you and keep you safe. We are not your mother, and you need to understand that we love you. You are not garbage but a special creation of God.” I tried to encourage her, but her mouth drew into a pucker as she rolled her eyes. I knew defeat when I saw it and sent her to her room. After she had left, I alerted everyone to make sure she stayed in time-out until we decided where to go from here. She made a threat on her life, and that couldn’t be taken lightly.

To me, dealing with difficult behavior is an individual matter. Every child has different issues going on, so I didn’t feel it fair to treat all the children the same with the discipline and the same text-book counsel. Working with many children didn’t allow the ideal to be a reality. I had difficulty accepting that as I pondered about Gabriela, thinking that somehow we failed in our promises to help her. Lord, I need Your wisdom. Help me to see with Your eyes.

Life did calm down for a few months, but the school reported problems from time to time. Gabriela would kick or slug another girl. She stole items, and the lies were constant, but these kinds of things were normal for several of the new girls. However, in Gabriela’s situation, the frequency of them became a strong signal to me that we didn’t have the resources to help such a mentally distraught child. Lord, help us to help her. She’s a victim. 

Four months after her arrival at Shadow, the house-father shared his concern for his pregnant wife. Gabriela had threatened to harm her and their unborn child. That complaint fell right on the heels of a call from the directors of the school: “We have another problem here. Gabriela put a big scratch across the refrigerator and then hit Tia Elena (the cook) when she tried to stop her.”

With hurting hearts, Joanne and I decided we had to send her back to the court for a different place of residence. I looked at the other twenty-seven girls living with us and the responsibility we had for their well-being. It still tore at me that we couldn’t help this girl who cried out for help, but we had exhausted our abilities with zero results. I had to let her go, and I mentally placed her in the hands of the Lord.

With all the arrangements made, the judge asked that someone from Shadow take her to the new place of residence. Raul and Cyndi agreed to take her. When they arrived, they were appalled at the depravity of this Home. As they took Gabriela into the residence, they heard a comment, “Oh it’s you, you’re back again.”

It is never easy to return a girl to the court, but there are times when it is in the best interest for all of the other children. I consoled myself that someone else might have the right key to helping this hurting child. I’ve learned not to take it personal and to trust that the Lord can take this special person down the path that will bring him or her to a desire for attitude change and healing.

*Name has been changed.