Monthly Archives: October 2015

Biologically Related Strangers

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Within two weeks of the court audience, the house parents came to me saying that the two recently reunited sisters would not talk to each other. They wouldn’t respond except to walk away with their noses in the air. Carmin* didn’t provoke negative action, but out of loyalty, most of the girls sided with Vanesa.* I knew intervention would be needed in this delicate situation but was not sure what. I told the house parents that I’d visit with each girl to find out what could be done to help them. I discouraged the idea of discipline, because forcing a relationship would not bring the desired results. Love needed time to bloom.

“Hey, Carmin, how are you doing? It’s been what, two weeks since you joined us? Is there anything I can help you with?” I asked, hoping to open the door to her feelings.

“It’s okay,” she replied, but her downcast eyes didn’t convince me of this. She scooped out some more dirt from the flowerbed she was working in.

“Are you adding some more plants?” I asked, looking at the order of the new plants. I was impressed. She knew what she was doing.

“Yes, there aren’t enough plants in this part.” She huffed as she took out another shovelful of dirt.

“Your house parents are troubled about your relationship with your sister. I need to have you tell me what you think is happening.”

“Mama Carroll, she won’t talk to me. I try to be nice to her and help her, but she pushes me away and won’t talk.”

“Carman, you have entered Vanesa’s territory, and to her, you are a stranger. It will take time for her to accept you as her older sister. She told me there isn’t any memory of you in the past, so it is as if she just met you for the first time. I can see how patient you have been, and I thank you for that and for not getting into verbal confrontations with her.”

Later, I talked to Vanesa. “Do you feel like an intruder moved into your home?”  I asked. Looking up with a half-smile, she shook her head yes. “I’m sure it feels that way, but think of how you would feel if you finally found the sister you loved and had taken care of and, for no reason, she wouldn’t accept you.”

Vanesa’s head went back down to avoid looking at me, while her fingers followed the creases in her skirt. Trying to reach down inside of her, I quietly asked, “Vanesa, are you afraid that she will treat you badly?”

The silence seemed to stretch for minutes before she said, “I don’t know why I don’t want to talk to her.”

IMG_5954  “Vanesa, you are already accepted as part of the Shadow family, and that’s not going to change. Carmin gave up the family she knew to come live with you. Mi Amor, how about you respond to Carmin as you would anyone else in the orphanage, as a friend, being nice and smiling. Let’s see where the relationship goes from there. You know the Lord will help you with this. Let’s ask Him now.” We prayed, and I let her leave the office.

The Shadow team took opportunities to pray and encourage these two. A couple months later, I saw these two biologically related strangers standing together laughing. It was a photo moment, and I didn’t have a camera! Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and love. I saw peace and happiness on their relaxed faces as they shared a special moment together. They finally found each other, and a relationship began to bud. All of us at the Project rejoiced to see the beginning of God’s plan for Carmin and Vanesa coming together.

*Names have been changed.

God’s Plan for Carmin*

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Most of the children who come to Shadow of His Wings Orphanage don’t expect to be placed here. They wait in the children’s court for the custody decision of the judge. The judge has two options: Place the child with a family member or adult friend, or send the child to an orphanage. Carmin’s case had a different slant to it. She lived with her grandfather in a safe environment, taking care of him while he provided a meager life for her. She didn’t have a reason or desire to change that. However, her world shook when she sat in her sister’s audience and heard her grandfather’s idea. He wanted his newly found granddaughter to stay in Shadow and for Carmin to go live with her. I believed this to be God’s plan for Carmin.

The loss of color in Carmin’s face and the moist dark eyes were the only visible clues to her reaction. She outwardly accepted everything that her grandfather and the judge decided for her, but I knew her insides had to be in turmoil. Saying good-bye to the grandfather turned out awkward for both girls. Vanesa* didn’t know him, and Carmin didn’t want to say good-bye. Concerned about her clothes and personal items, I assured her that we would have everything she needed.

The three hour trip to Monjas didn’t open any doors for reconciliation. These two hadn’t been together for ten years, and Vanesa didn’t seem to care if that changed. Vanesa, separated from her family at three years of age, didn’t remember Carmin. She scooted up tightly to the window and kept her eyes glued outside, acting like she might miss seeing something as we passed by. Carmin’s few words, while trying to invite conversation, met with silence. Gerber took the position of a peacemaker, but that fell flat too, since only I responded. Oh, Lord, we have our work cut out for us. Restore this relationship, and fill these girls with your love for one another. Guide us in helping with this huge transition.

Children came running and shouting with excitement when they saw us driving up to Vanesa’s home. Curiosity as to what caused such a ruckus brought out the house parents. Now in her familiar territory, Vanesa left Carmin and ran off with her friends. I introduced Carmin to the house parents, who responded with words of welcome, and then I took her to the storeroom for the normal clothing and necessities allotment.

“Vanesa just needs some time to adjust to the idea that you are her sister. She has fought the ‘battle of life’ alone for a long time, and it will be hard for her to trust you immediately.” I felt like I did all the talking, but I continued to give her the “new at Shadow” spiel. Carmin listened intently and smiled, but few words came out of her mouth. This girl needs time to adjust to us too.

My mind tried to land on some ideas to help these two biologically related strangers develop a “friend” relationship.  I believed if they could start there, the rest would take place naturally. Both girls took responsibility well and had leadership giftings. We all saw a maturity that lacked in many of the kids the same age. The teachers and house parents confirmed this to us. I assured myself that it wouldn’t take long for both girls to find each other as sisters and readjust their lives. If only it were that easy.

*Names have been changed.

Life Changes for Vanesa: Part 2

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Gerber, Vanesa,* and I sat in the judge’s room waiting for declaration of the life changes for Vanesa. The snack I ate before coming in seemed to have fermented in my stomach. I squeezed Vanesa’s hand for encouragement. Without wasting any time, the judge introduced the man and the granddaughter Carmin.* She stated his claim to Vanesa and asked him to tell his story:

“My daughter died two months after the birth of her fifth child. My wife, we are now divorced, sold or gave away four of the children when I wasn’t at home. That included Vanesa at three years old. At that time, I vowed to find them.” Addressing us in a strong but soft voice, he concluded, “When Vanesa’s picture showed up in the newspaper, I knew she belonged to me.”

I clutched my heart, feeling guilty for thinking this man had evil intentions for Vanesa. With minimal resources, this older and slightly bent man found three of his grandchildren over a period of years, making Vanesa number four.

Everything seemed clear in the mind of the judge, and she began to sign the documents to release Vanesa into his custody.

Vanesa, knowing she had to speak up, boldly stated that she wanted to stay in the orphanage even if he proved to be her grandfather. The children’s rights advocate, with other ideas, pressed Vanesa about going with her biological family. The advocate then turned to the grandfather and pressed him to take Vanesa into his home. His response changed everything:

“I will take her home with me if she wants to live with me, but if she wants to stay at Shadow of His Wings, and they take good care of her, I’d want her to stay.” Then he added, “It is difficult for me to provide for Carmin, because I can’t find much work. She isn’t going to school anymore, and I would like to see her go with Vanesa to Shadow of His Wings and get an education.”

The judge asked Carmin about her not attending school. Her face paled, and she stammered as she confirmed that she quit because they lacked the funds to pay for it. Looking at me, the judge said, “Maybe Shadow could take in both girls?” She smiled at my quick response, “Yes!” The judge leaned over and whispered to me, “Thank you for helping us.” The toothless grin of the grandfather stamped his approval.

I had studied Carmin’s interaction with her grandfather. She assisted him with walking and being seated. She did not react negatively when she heard her grandfather’s shocking request. Impressed with what I saw, I felt it would be good for both sisters to live together at Shadow and have periodic visits with the grandfather. I could only imagine what must be going on in Carmin’s heart and mind. Lord, help this young lady accept the decisions made concerning her life. Life changes for Vanesa came to fruition in less than thirty minutes, and within ten minutes, Carmin’s life would never be the same.

*Names have been changed.

Life Changes for Vanesa

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I stood among the mass of people waiting to have time with the judge in the children’s court. I saw a man stare at us with intensity. Could he be the one? I looked at his nose, a typical Mayan one for sure, and then at Vanesa’s. I saw Gerber, who came to translate, evaluating the man’s face and then Vanesa’s. He nodded to me in affirmation. Lord, lead us in this audience. I want your will and plan for Vanesa’s future. She is a part of the Shadow of His Wings family, and it would be hard to let her go with people we don’t know. Life changes for Vanesa would be decided in a few hours.

Vanesa, her side pasted to my arm, kept shifting her feet. Her eyes roamed around the room, avoiding the man and the teenager with him. My mind couldn’t comprehend what it would feel like knowing that your whole world could completely change in one visit with the judge.

Fully aware that God had a plan for this thirteen-year-old, I continued sending up prayers. I knew many others on the prayer chain were doing the same, and I felt the confidence that God’s will would prevail.

I mentally reviewed the past events when Vanesa first arrived at Shadow of His Wings Orphanage two years IMG_3418before. Her cute face and sweet nature quickly opened many hearts to accept her into the Shadow family. After rescuing her from sexual abuse, the police brought her to the orphanage. No documents or birth certificate came with her. Vanesa confided that she didn’t remember anything about her family nor where they lived. She had only her name, and that could have been changed. Our social worker investigated the few clues available. Then she put Vanesa’s picture in the Prensa Libra newspaper and on TV, inquiring help from anybody who might recognize her. When the picture came out in the newspaper, we received a call from a man saying he might be her grandfather. Concerned about her going back into another abusive situation and in my protectiveness I said, “No way.” Why hadn’t he gone to the children’s court? Where had he been all this time?

“Sombra de Sus Alas,” the court secretary shouted.

My mind snapped back to our purpose with the court when I heard our name called. We entered the judge’s room. With Vanesa seated between Gerber and me, I saw the same man from the waiting room sit right across the table from me. With a sinking feeling, I saw what I didn’t want to see. The strong resemblance pointed in his favor. Lord, for her protection, give the judge the ability to make the right decision for our girl. She faces some great life changes.